welcome back!
So, we recognize our red flags in our feelings, but what about our yellow flags in our wounds?! Those caution signs in our thoughts and behaviors that tell us we are about to spiral to a very unhealthy place?! Let’s talk about it!
Being able to identify ourselves and understand why we do what we do is CRUCIAL for being able to walk in peace. Because this world is the way it is, mixed with the fact that we are human, it makes it inevitable that our wounds are going to be poked. No matter where you are in your healing journey, you will never not feel triggered. But to be able to walk in peace and healing, we CANNOT let ourselves react to it. The best thing we can do is be able to recognize those triggers and process them immediately.
Now trust me, this takes time. This is something I still have to do myself but it goes a lot more quickly now than it used to. So believe me when I say, if I can do it, you can do it! It just takes practice!
The first step was recognizing our wounds and those red flags that told us we were having a limbic reaction. These red flags indicate to us that we are currently in an unhealthy place. Which as we know, we can’t find peace or joy there. It may feel safer there because we are more in control of the outcome, or at least that’s what our brains tell us, but we were not designed to stay there. Our home and where we belong is in peace. This doesn’t mean we will never experience pain or fear, it just means we are able to recognize truth and face those feelings, rather than be controlled by them.
The second step is recognizing our warning signs, or yellow flags if you will. These tell us when we are in the beginning steps towards going back to those unhealthy mindsets and behaviors. And if you have been following along, then you know I am certified in a relapse prevention program called The Genesis Process. And in this process he calls these warning signs your “faster scale”, which is where I learned a lot, and healed a lot myself, about these signs!
One of the most common warning signs is forgetting priorities or being in denial. So an example of this would be feeling triggered and believing a thought that you KNOW is negative and an indication of a wound, but you ignore it and choose to believe the lie. In a healthy situation you would say “ok, I know this hurts and feels like past disappointment but it isn’t the same situation”. But if you are in denial, you will go to court for this negative belief. You will begin justifying it and finding reasons as to why it is true. This can also look like keeping secrets, less time or energy for God, Avoiding others, superficial conversations, sarcasm, isolation, changes in goals, obsessed with others, breaking promises, neglecting the things that are most important, preoccupation with material things (ie being on your phone or watching tv all of the time), lying, and being over confident. Just to name a few. Haha (All of these examples came from the faster scale).
Did any of those sound familiar? This is where you want to be able to keep yourself in check. And having someone else who knows this about you and can help hold you accountable is HUGE. However, if you are giving the rights to this person to remind you of truth, you can’t fight them on it. If you need a minute to process before you can have the conversation, that is fine. But do not argue with them when they come to you and point out that you are experiencing a yellow flag. YOU GAVE THEM THAT RIGHT!
Some other yellow flags are:
— Anxiety, which may look like constant worry, fear, resentment, obsessive thoughts, perfectionism, judging others, making goals or lists you can’t complete, MIND READING, fantasy, pornography, codependent rescuing, sleep problems, seeking drama, gossip, using OTCs, etc.
— Speeding up (or as genesis refers to it - outrunning depression), which may look like staying super busy, workaholism, can’t relax, always in a hurry, can’t turn off thoughts, skipping meals or eating too much, overspending, unable to identify your own feelings, constantly irritable, dramatic mood swings, lusting, over exercising, difficulty being alone or with people, difficulty listening to others, and avoiding support.
— Getting high on anger or aggression, which may look like procrastination resulting in crisis, sarcasm, all or nothing thinking, feeling alone often or that no-one understands, overreacting, road rage, resentments, pushing others away, increased isolation, blaming others, constantly arguing with others, self pity, can’t handle criticism, very defensive, always needing to be right, digestive problems and headaches, can’t forgive others, feeling superior, and feeling aggressive often.
— Depression or feeling exhausted, which may look like being panicked, confused, hopeless, sleeping too much or too little, can’t cope, feeling overwhelmed often, crying for “no reason”, can’t think, forgetful, pessimistic, helpless, numb, wanting to run away, cravings for old coping behaviors or unhealthy relationships, self abuse, suicidal thoughts, survival mode, missing work or not returning calls/texts, and loss of appetite.
Now obviously these things can happen randomly because of other things that aren’t triggers, however they can still result in an emotional relapse. So you may have heard those and thought that happens to me sometimes but not because someone poked a wound or anything but I am here to tell you it doesn’t matter! These are wanting signs that if you don’t do something or reach out to someone, you could end up in a relapse.
But what is a relapse?
For some this is returning to a substance abuse problem. But for most of us this means wanting to give up, feeling out of control, being lost in other addictions (food, shopping, self harm, etc.), lying to others and yourself, feeling like the only way you can continue is to go back to what feels familiar and safe, even if its bad for you, and acting in ways that leads to condemnation, shame, guilt, and feeling COMPLETELY alone.
This is where the enemy is able to use us as a jungle gym. You don’t belong there, friend. You have purpose and in that purpose is peace, love, and joy. No matter what you face in life, you no longer are carrying all that weight of your past. Walking in purpose looks like finally knowing who you are and the value you add to the world. We crave this so desperately but when it doesn’t happen we spiral. So, being able to have this awareness, recognizing your yellow flags, and having a game plan in place, sets you up towards healing and walking in that purpose! In order to find this peace and purpose, you HAVE to be able to identify truth.
But what is truth?
YOU ARE CHOSEN! You have unique characteristics that were chosen specifically for you! You were created to be loved! You have dealt with things that felt like disappointment and rejection, but those things are NOT who you are, they are just what you’ve walked through. But because you have walked through them, you can now help others walk through them. You are NOT your past mistakes. People can’t meet all of your needs but there is someone who can and HE will send you the right people at the right time to show you the love you need. They may not stick around forever, but that doesn’t mean you are the problem. It just means they were meant for a season. Maybe you’ve chosen the wrong crowd because it felt easier and more familiar, but there are people out there than can offer you more than those people! You DO deserve love. You DO deserve joy! Not because of who you are but because of what Jesus did for YOU. He endured more pain than we could ever imagine to save YOU! He didn’t die for you so you could feel less then. He died for YOU so you could be with Him forever. He WANTS YOU! He desires YOU. He is waiting for YOU.
Embrace change. Embrace truth. And embrace Jesus!
“ok that all sounds good and I want to believe it, but I just don’t”
If that was your thought, you need to be here for the next message! But because I don’t want to leave you having with that thought, it’s ok if you don’t believe it right now. You don’t have to believe something to know that it is true. You may not feel lovable, but it’s ok to understand that you are. See what happens is, when we feel pain we subconsciously think that if we don’t sit in it, then it doesn’t matter and we accept it as our identity. But deep down, we know it’s not. So I am here to tell you that the pain you’ve been through and the way you feel because of it DOES MATTER. You don’t have to live there for it to matter. It CAN matter and you CAN heal at the same time. So if you don’t feel those things I mentioned before, that doesn’t mean you can’t recognize that it is true. Because they ARE true.
I hope you have the best week ever and we will see you again at the next message!