Welcome back!
As we mentioned before, the first step to starting your healing journey is choosing to start. We understand that it’s going to feel scary and vulnerable but we know that ultimately, it is the only way to find lasting peace. So, now what? Well, now that you have made the “verbal” decision, we are going to make the “physical commitment.” We aren’t going to just talk about it, we are going to be about it!
Now we are going to lower our guard! We are going to work on walking out of the belief system that says we have to protect ourselves from all emotional pain in order to be safe. I KNOW, this sounds scary. But you can rest in the fact that this will take some time and you aren’t alone! This is the first major step necessary to walk into healing. And listen, I understand this can be challenging and it isn’t just a simple decision that someone can make and then just execute, perfectly right out of the gate. In fact, I still find myself wanting to go back into that protection mode sometimes. The feelings and gut reactions don’t truly go away, we just learn how to shut them down before they take hold over our thoughts and behaviors.
So, how do we start doing this? Let’s talk about it! (Also, I highly recommend having a notebook for this.)
- Be honest and name the fear that has been keeping you stuck. Note: it is possible to have more than one, but don’t just go surface level. This can’t be, “I am afraid of making people mad.” Go deeper. Why are you afraid of making people mad? Most of the time the things we are afraid of are: being alone, feeling rejected, being seen as bad, not being loved, etc. You have heard me say this a lot by now, but awareness is so important and being aware of the actual fear keeps you in that vulnerable space you need to be in to grow. Now, I want you to say the opposite of this lie out loud… “I am not alone”, “I am not bad”, “I am lovable”, “Jesus will never reject me”, etc. And yes, I’m aware this feels AWKWARD! You may resist this, but remember the verbal commitment you made. I want you to write this down and I want you to read this daily! I want you repeating this anytime you feel yourself falling into a state of panic, anger, depression, anxiety, etc. Saddness is a healthy place to be as long as it doesn’t consume your thoughts and as long as you don’t sulk there. It is healthy to be sad. It is healthy to cry. ONLY if it doesn’t take us to a place of lies and unhealthy coping behaviors. Remind yourself often of everything opposite of any negative thought you have about yourself or others, no matter how true it feels. This isn’t to lie to yourself or be fake, this is to make sure you don’t spiral.
- The next step is another mindset task. Repeat after me (literally), “I AM NOT BAD IF I AM WRONG. IN ORDER TO GROW I HAVE TO BE WRONG SOMETIMES.” A big part of healing is taking personal responsibility. It is recognizing that you don’t have to defend yourself every time you are wrong. Wrong is not a bad word. It means that you made a mistake. It means that you thought you knew something but were just missing some information. It doesn’t mean you are bad, dumb, not good enough, or any other negative thought you had about yourself or felt someone was saying about you. Being wrong is an opportunity to grow and honestly, even an opportunity to help others once you have learned. Learning is MANDATORY to heal. And how can we learn if we “already know everything.” Now listen, I get it, you spent a lot of your life feeling like you had to defend yourself because you were living in protection mode. You were constantly put down anytime you messed up. So, it makes total sense that you would just continue feeling like you had to defend yourself, whether it was to change how they viewed you or to prove to yourself that you weren’t those things they made you feel. But I am here to tell you that you DON’T have to live there anymore! I want you to work on getting comfortable with saying “being wrong is an opportunity to grow!”
Being able to call out the lies that keep your walls up and by becoming comfortable with being wrong and no longer letting it make you think negatively or be defensively are such important ways to help lower your guard.
- The last and final step to help with this is to form a gameplan to hold yourself accountable to your emotional health goals DAILY. Consistency is key to anything you want to get better at and it is SO important when it comes to this. For every negative thought, replace it with three positive things. Again, this isn’t to be fake or only positive, but its to keep you from spiraling and becoming stuck again. I am not even saying you have to believe anything you’re saying! That will come with time and healing. It isn’t about being happy all the time, it’s about staying out of limbic land and allowing yourself to be honest.
You see, a lot of people want to “keep it real” but rarely ever do. They keep it surface level in a place of anger and fight or flight. If we were being honest with ourselves, this world would be a lot healthier and less wounded. And this is especially true with christians. We spend a lot of time trying to “help” others but we throw ourselves into one of two things: we either consume ourselves with staying busy and say we are devoting our time to God OR we become critical of others and claim we are trying to help them get to heaven. And honestly, a lot of times this is innocent and subconscious. We don’t realize we are suppressing things or outrunning things. So, if that is you, now you have the awareness and can work on changing the behavior. And if you have been church hurt by someone doing this, now you understand it had nothing to do with who Jesus was and everything to do with what that person was going through.
So, what are some steps we can take in our daily life to hold ourselves accountable? Things like podcasts, christian affirmations, reading the bible and devotionals or other encouraging books, encouraging music, limiting time on in areas that make us feel negative things, creating a truth board and reading it often, watching sermons or encouraging messages, journaling, going to positive social events, eating balanced meals, drinking plenty of water, exercising, soaking up the sun, taking supplements, using essential oils, laughing, going to counseling, etc. Just to name a few! Haha. Did you know even fake smiling sends the same signals to your brain and releases the same chemicals as actually smiling? Isn’t that so cool?
Something I hear a lot is how annoying people who are always happy are. But I only ever hear this from people who rarely ever happy. Coincidence? However, for me, I find myself praying for both groups of people. Neither are experiencing peace. I said this in the last blog, but we are not meant to be happy 24/7 nor should we be negative or expecting negative. Both groups are just trying to survive. But we are all here because we want to thrive, right?!
Moving forward I have some homework for you. I would LOVE to see you have a journal specifically for your healing journey. And I encourage you to write yourself love letters, take notes when listening to messages, write down positive reminders or thoughts you have, brag on yourself, write down things you hear God say to you, etc. This isn’t something you need to write in every day. But it would be amazing to have something to look back on to see how far you’ve grown and also to hold you accountable! And I have something fun for you too if you do this! As you know, the reflections boutique if full of encouraging messages on clothing. But did you know I also send out stickers whenever you grab anything from the boutique?! So, I am thinking if you buy a journal and write down your answer from number 1, I will send you a big sticker of any reflections design to stick right on the front of it! And once you fill this journal up, I will send you a free t-shirt! I am going to trust that you are doing this for yourself and not because I just offered something free lol. But, I believe in rewarding things that should be rewarded. And while peace and healing is reward enough, a cute comfy shirt is also nice, am I right?! Lol You can send your pictures to reflectionscollection@yahoo.com!
I am so excited for your growth you are about to make! This is a big first step, and I pray you allow yourself to continue and follow through with it. I pray you allow yourself to trust again and to no longer be bound by fear! When you open your heart to healing, it allows God to REALLY move and to show you who He REALLY is! You are doing amazing things friend, and I am proud of you! Keep going! Can’t wait to see you next week!
Ps. If you didn’t know, I decided to offer these as a vlog as well! And I tend to add a little more in those, because I am who I am lol. So, if you’d like to check those out HERE is my YouTube channel!
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