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When you hear the word pride, a couple things probably pop up in your mind. This word is a popular word right now, with a few different meanings. And it’s safe to say, this word has a lot of emotions behind it as well. A lot of people hear it and immediately tense up because they aren’t sure what direction it is going to go. So many of us hear this word and become quick to defend ourselves and our beliefs. But I want everyone to take a deep breathe for a second. I want to remind you that this is a safe place and there is no need to raise those walls here. I also want to remind you why we are here, and that is to continue walking into our healing journey. So, how does pride and healing go together? Let’s talk about it…
What if I told you that the emotion of pride was another coping mechanism? Not where you thought this was going, right? If you are an OG here, then you will remember our very first episode about finding the red flags in our feelings. Pride is a HUGE red flag that you are in an unhealthy place mentally. But how? Some of you might be forming assumptions about where this is going, about how pride is considered a sin and you might feel yourself shutting down, but remember that this is a wall free zone! Hang with me here! While yes there is a biblical stance on pride, I want to focus on how it is a coping mechanism for a second and how it is keeping you stuck in those unhealthy, unwanted negative mindsets and beliefs.
So, what is pride? Pride CAN be healthy but typically when it comes to ourselves it isn’t. The healthy pride is when you feel proud of someone or something. This is usually used when a parent is proud of their child for something they did or achieved. And at times we can feel proud of ourselves for overcoming something we had been working towards or trying to overcome. Which is amazing! I am extremely proud of so many of you reading/ listening to these episodes and walking into vulnerability. But unfortunately, that is not how it is always used. There is also an extremely unhealthy definition of pride.
Typically we associate the unhealthy form of pride with words like arrogant, conceited, big headed, etc. Remember last blog when I used the word victim and we all went EWWW? Lol You probably said the same thing mentally with those words too, right? Typically it is easier to pinpoint when someone else is being those things, but we don’t like to think about ourselves as those things, right? What if I told you that this was making you prideful as well? Yikes, right?! But just like with the word victim, I also want to remind you that you aren’t alone. WE ALL EXPERIENCE MOMENTS OF PRIDE. Pride is not only demonstrated when we are walking around, thinking we are the best thing since sliced bread. It is also when we assume, or claim, to not be these things. When we think we are healthy and ok and don’t need help. When we think that we are better off on our own. When we think expressing emotions is for sissies. When we think we are too good to walk into healing. Any of this sound familiar? These too are all prideful thoughts.
And just like I’ve stated in the in past, do NOT let the devil twist my words and start making you feel like you are a failure. Having these moments does not make you bad. It makes you human. But the only way to continue walking into healing is to be able to see when we are in an unhealthy mindset.
That all being said, if you struggle with, or know someone who struggles with, being prideful and thinking you are smarter, prettier, more successful, (fill in the blank) than others, I want to address this as well. This type of pride is a huge indicator that you have shut down emotionally. Do you remember the fight, flight, freeze responses we talked about in previous blogs? Pride is a part of flight. A big way a lot of people who have dealt with past pain, is to tell themselves that they are better than others at certain things. This happens a lot for those who felt less than by a parent or friend, emphasis on friends. When we are surrounded by others and feel like we have to be in control of how we are viewed, we will build ourselves up to be better than those around us because at least if someone is going to judge us, we are in control of how we are being judged. We would rather be judged for being arrogant than being less than. And at some point this becomes so subconscious that we start to truly believe these things about ourselves not realizing we are living in survival mode. The problem is that even though we tell ourselves we are better in certain areas than others, we still feel alone, unloved, anxious, etc. Things like anxiety and depression are ALWAYS symptoms of living in survival mode and the level of severity usually depends on our past or how long we’ve lived with them.
The only way to find peace, freedom, and that “whole” feeling is to walk into healing and understand truth. And the only way to walk into healing and truth is to have hope. Personally, I haven’t found anyone or anything that has given me as much hope as Jesus. I found moments of what felt like healing and I overcame mental obstacles on my own but when I would face those struggles again, because they will ALWAYS come back, I would find myself feeling defeated and like I didn’t have the mental energy or strength to keep doing it over and over again. Can you relate to that? This is because we weren’t designed to be able to do that. You can absolutely find short term healing on your own but without hope, it’s impossible to find lasting results. I mean honestly, sometimes it’s even hard as a christian to want to keep going. This is why it’s so important to allow yourself to experience God, rather than just believe in Him. You have to open yourself up and allow Him into the parts of your story that you are scared to face again, and allow God to face them with you. And if you have no idea what the heck I’m talking about or how to do that, you’re in the right place because we’ve touched on this in the past and will continue to do so. If you haven’t already, be sure to check out the “I will survive” blog!
So, when it comes to overcoming pride, the first step is to allow yourself to admit that you have it. It could be worse for others than it is for you, but the point is that we all experience it. And the next step is to decide that you will be more aware of why it is there. When it happens ask yourself what would happen if you didn’t think you were better at (fill in the blank). Maybe you truly are more skilled in an area. But WHY does it feel necessary to point it out? What would happen if you weren’t as skilled in that area? What we are doing here is getting down to the fear. You have to be able to name the fear before you can walk into healing the wounds that fear came from. We still haven’t really touched on processing past pain yet for those who have been following along, so I don’t want the wound to be the focus at this point in time. What I want you to do is just focus on the lie that was projected onto you or into you. And then you have to remind yourself of the truth in that area. If your fear is that you won’t be good at anything or that others will see your flaws, its important that you understand that we all have weaknesses and the only people who are going to put you down for those are other very wounded people. God chose you. God made you with strengths and weaknesses, both to be used for His glory! Even in our weakness, God will use us if we allow Him. But weaknesses aren’t flaws. God doesn’t make mistakes. You aren’t a mistake. And to be able to truly walk into healing, you have to allow yourself to experience those truths in place of the lies, so you are then able to believe those truths.
Pride doesn’t make you bad. It just makes you wounded right along side the rest of us. But It IS something you can overcome. When you are free from fearing pain from others and focus on who you were truly meant to be, you will no longer have to carry pride around as a defense weapon. Now you can wear the Armor of God and use that as your defense mechanism. Trust me, there’s nothing like it! And for those who are here because you wanted to know my stance on the movement version of pride, just know that the only relationship I’m concerned with others being in is a relationship with Jesus. As christians, if we are going to worry about other’s salvation then the first step is introducing them to Jesus through how WE LIVE AND LOVE. Do my views on sin line up with the word? Yes. But so does how I love overs. And no matter how anyone feels, opinions and beliefs should NEVER be forced on someone. And that goes for both sides.
I hope that this blog, just like all past episodes, have given you more encouragement and insight as you walk into your healing journey! We will continue to walk deeper into these tools and tips and will start going a little more into deeper healing very soon! Until then, I hope you have the best week ever! See ya next week!