**If you would prefer to watch or listen rather than read, check out the links at the bottom!**
What if I told you that focusing on yourself was keeping you stuck and unhealthy?!
If this is the first time you’re joining me then you’ll definitely want to go back and check out the previous podcast/blog I’ve done! All of my blogs are basically one giant series, so in order to get the fullness out of them and produce change and healing, you'll want to check out the others as well!
My previous blog, "Finding the Red flags in Your Feelings” was all about becoming aware of our unhealthy coping behaviors and the beginning tips to help us in the moment.
In my next blog, I want to go over our communication while we are experiencing unhealthy thoughts or behaviors, and the things to do after we have them, to help us the next time!
But before we start that, I felt it on my heart to share about “Focusing on Ourself”.
This is something SOOOO many of us have said. And our intentions behind this are coming from a healthy spot. We want to change habits or heal from a past wound. But what actually happens is we stay stuck in the same patterns we’ve always had. Why is that?
I’ll tell you why. lol It’s because we CANNOT heal in isolation. And while our words and motives are saying let’s heal and become healthier, our limbic system says, “when I avoid situations/ relationships it feels safe” or “when I quit letting others in, I am in control”.
It is IMPOSSIBLE to heal without others. When we focus on ourselves, or we focus on self love, all we know to do is all we’ve ever done.
We can tell ourselves all day long the things we want to do or how we wish we’d respond, but without the tools and resources to do so, we literally can’t. Without putting ourselves in situations that are similar to things that hurt us in the past and allow ourselves to experience a different outcome, it is VERY difficult to find lasting healing.
Where do we find these tools? Through talking with others. How do we put ourselves in situations that produce healing? By experiencing life.
Now I’m not saying throw yourself in romantic relationships or start sharing your whole life with everyone. But if you spend your time only worrying about yourself, you in turn shut everyone else out. Which by now we have learned won’t result In healing.
I’m also not saying throw yourself into situations you mentally or emotionally couldn’t handle either. I’m simply just saying, don’t shut out others. Don’t build a wall to hide from pain.
Instead of saying, “I’m going to focus on myself”, maybe say, “I’m going to focus on healing!” Or, “I’m going to focus on doing something I’ve never done before!” Or, “I’m going to take these actions to better work on my mental health!”
Stating what you are going to do to improve your well being rather than just saying I’m focusing on myself. That’s like saying I want to lose weight but never setting up a game plan or changing any habits.
You see the problem is, our “selves” are full of sin. Our “selves” are wounded and bound by strongholds. And while yes, God designed us with a purpose and because He loves us, that’s not usually the place we “focus on”.
When we talk about self love most of us are saying “I’m going to love myself exactly the way I am”. But as we’ve stated, that “way” has always led us to more pain or feeling alone.
The part of us that we should be loving can only be found through healing. It can only be found through Jesus and learning who we were designed to be. And ultimately, it’s the part of us that we have always known has been there, but we never believed in ourselves enough to pursue it.
SO, basically what I’m saying is, if you want to focus on yourself then focus on the part of you that has always intimidated you. (For a more elaborated on version of this, check out my podcast HERE) The part of you that you’ve always wanted to pursue but you were afraid you’d fail or not get the recognition you wanted. The part of you that desires deep, real relationships.
And then focus on the steps you need to take to overcome the fear and lies that have kept you from experiencing that part of you. Join that church group, listen to that podcast, schedule that therapy session, make that phone call, put yourself in vulnerable situations.
Right now your limbic system may be screaming, “NO! RUN!” But that is a sign that you need to take that next step. Wake up every day and do something for yourself that will produce a positive mindset. That will produce change in the way you think or change what you are focusing on.
Write down the things you are thankful for. Spend time with God. Smile and say hello to a stranger in passing. Ask someone how they are and stop to listen. Pray for someone else. Say you’re sorry. Say I love you. Tell someone they are beautiful. These are all such great examples of what “focusing on healing” would look like and such amazing ways to work on your mindset!
I can’t wait to dive deeper into our next heart talk next week! I hope you know how loved you are and have the best week ever! 🤍
XOXO Jerrica
PS. Each series will have a shirt that goes with it! This series' shirt is You get what you focus on-adjust your focus reminders crewneck!
