Are You Thriving Or Surviving ?
You’ve heard me say several times that awareness brings the ability to make healthier decisions. And this is a theme that you will probably hear a lot if you continue to follow these blogs. I mentioned previously how this awareness gives you the ability to choose whether to react or respond in triggering situations. And I HIGHLY recommend continuing to work on, and master, that BREATHE system. It will take time and you will probably be challenged with it, but it’s so rewarding when you can start to live in that healthy mindset and awareness. But, at some point, you’ll have to choose to work on yourself even when you aren’t feeling triggered. Most people think counseling or healing is something that is only necessary when you are struggling. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, staying complacent when we feel content is just as unhealthy, and some may even argue more unhealthy, than reacting negatively in triggering situations.
Remaining content at any stage in life is never healthy. We have to continually be moving and growing. Healing and discovering who we are is never ending because we are constantly changing and dealing with life. ESPECIALLY because we spend most of our adult life trying to recover from the things we carried over from our childhood. It becomes about surviving what we went through and protecting ourselves from it happening again, rather than living and thriving in who we were called to be. While both of those are journeys to find happiness or joy, only one truly will. Only one will bring us peace. Only one will bring us joy. But that one that brings all of those positive things also requires constant growth. It requires walking in vulnerability daily. It means we have to take the time to understand who we are so we can better understand who God is. And being able to understand both of those allows us to have stronger faith! We may claim we have faith because we know that’s what we are supposed to do or say, but the choices we make daily tell us something different. But why? Because we are still surviving! We are still in protection mode, even if it is subconscious.
A lot of people think “surviving” is just going through the motions. But it is SOO much more than that. Here are some examples of what surviving may look like:
Constantly needing to know what is happening.
Scheduling every detail of your life.
Obsessing over specific details of things.
Overthinking/ overworrying constantly.
Constantly in fight or flight mode.
Consuming yourself with relationships or completely isolating.
Throwing yourself into busyness.
Constant negative thoughts or making assumptions.
…just to name a few!
Basically, survival mode is when you are spending your time in “limbic land.” You are living a life full of control and coping mechanisms. You find what feels comfortable and you stay there. But, the problem is you still find yourself not experiencing lasting joy or peace. And then you confuse not feeling bad for joy or happiness. I am here to tell you that is not the definition of joy or happiness. In fact, joy and happiness aren’t even really the same thing. Happiness will always be short lived because we aren’t meant to be happy 100% if the time. HOWEVER, joy is something that goes hand in hand with peace. You can experience something that isn’t ideal or seen as negative and still find peace and joy in it. HOW? Through HEALING! Through growing! Through thriving instead of surviving! Through making that choice to not stay content and live in protection mode, but instead to walk into vulnerability.
Thriving instead of surviving will look like:
Having hard, healing conversations.
Learning that it’s ok to be wrong so you can grow through it.
No longer isolating.
Praying for people vs. thinking negatively about them.
Resting.
Prioritizing the things that truly matter.
Choosing to respond vs react to triggering situations.
No longer making assumptions, and thinking more hopeful.
Positive self talk.
I could go on and on and on. But for some this feels near impossible because if you don’t protect yourself then who will? If you choose to see the good in others, won’t that mean you get hurt again? Isn’t avoiding pain the goal in life? Lets talk about that for a second…
The goal in life is not happiness. The goal in life is lasting peace. The goal in life is feeling fulfilled/ whole. We are called to love and be loved. And this world alone will neverrrrrr be able to do that. People will never be able to give us lasting joy or peace. We are all wounded people and are all trying to figure it out. We all have pasts that hurt us and now we are all trying to avoid that pain again. So, because of this, looking anywhere else other than inward and upward is only going to bring moments of happiness, joy or peace.
To find lasting peace and to feel whole, we have to take the time to better understand who we are and who God is! I need you to really focus when you read this next part: The reason we struggle as christians to find this is because we stay reciting bible verses we don’t understand while continuing to live in survival mode! And because we are in survival mode, a lot of people struggle to even believe in God because we, as Christians, aren’t able to SHOW THEM who Jesus is because in order to do that, we will have to be vulnerable, which we have learned, could lead to more pain. So, we recite scripture to them and invite them to church but leave the vulnerable stuff to someone else.
This is deep, trust me it’s hard to even write these things because I’m also talking to myself. But recently God has shown me the direction he has wanted me to walk in, which has been EXTREMELY scary and puts me in constant positions to be rejected. But, the further I walk in it the more peace I feel despite the vulnerability and potential rejection. Why? Because I have walked through healing and now understand that by better understanding who God is, I can fully give Him my trust.
We mentioned faith previously and another word for faith, is trust. You don’t marry someone unless you trust them right? Or at least that’s how it should be. You wouldn’t just walk up to a stranger and expect them to catch you in a trust fall exercise. You can believe they are real and alive all day long, but until you can fully trust them, you aren’t going to commit to them or step out in faith with them. The same is true with God. We can believe in Him all day long, but until we fully KNOW Him it’s going to be hard to trust Him. We may know and believe that He can do the things we hear every Sunday, but will He really do it for us? Does He REALLY care about me despite my past? If my own parents couldn’t love me, how could God? Everyone always leaves me so why wouldn’t He? All I’ve ever done is mess up, why would he do anything for me? Any of these sound familiar?
But when you take the time to TRULY trust again, and TRULY understand that you ARE lovable, and TRULY understand who God is, what you’ll find is that peace and joy you’ve been searching for. You will no longer be bound by the weight of your past. You can finally heal from the lies that play on repeat in your brain. It’s up to YOU to decide what outcomes you want. I’ve mentioned this before but no matter what choice you choose, it isn’t going to be easy. And the hardest thing is typically the right thing to do!
I assume if you are here then you are choosing to start or continue your healing journey. And I have a feeling this is going to start to get pretty deep. So before we do, you have to make a choice. If you choose to truly walk into healing and vulnerability to achieve that peace and wholeness I mentioned earlier, then you have to make sure you stay honest, open, and optimistic. Healing rarely ever feels good but the reward is SOOOO worth it. I have been on my healing journey for a few years now, and while it still feels challenging at times, the hard parts don’t last near as long and I am able to walk in peace through it. It feels SOOO good to be able to say, “get behind me satan” whenever I’m feeling attacked and be able to move on in my life. It feels SOOO good to not have to sit in the weight of the lies I constantly believed about myself. And you can experience that too!
We are going to dive into the next series that is all about healing. I also believe that this is going to be speaking to Christians as well, and how we can love better because of that healing. This series is going to be called ‘Letters to the Wounded Christian’. And if you are someone who has been church hurt, or maybe you’ve never really been sure of what to believe, you can still follow this series! I believe this is for everyone because everyone deserves to experience healing and love! I’m here for you friend and I’m excited to have you here for this next series!
