Have you ever heard of cope hopping?
Me either, I just made it up! Haha But it is an actual thing that we do as wounded people! Same concept as bar, club, church, etc. hopping, but, as you would assume by the name, is where we jump from one coping mechanism to another.
Last episode we talked about protective personalities and how they have “kept us safe” (aka kept us stuck) by making us believe something that isn’t true. And like we often say, all it takes is having awareness of truth to reverse the lie and regain control over our actions. However, what tends to happen is we will only work on correcting the one habit but still don’t allow ourselves to walk into truth or heal from the wound, so we end up just switching to another unhealthy habit.
People will also recognize this with physical addictions. Someone might stop smoking but they might start eating more than before. Or someone might stop drinking but then submerge themselves in overworking. The same happens emotionally as well. And if we want to get technical, those physical addictions are also coping mechanisms. If we don’t deal with the pain, we will just continue to walk into new unhealthy habits until we finally do.
So, how do we recognize when this is happening? How do we keep ourselves from doing this?
Being aware of your signs! Knowing when you are spiraling and knowing what to do when it happens. Honestly healing in general is all about understanding yourself and understanding truth. And when you allow yourself to walk into awareness of both and no longer live in fear, then you will find healing and freedom. And by now, if you have been following along from the beginning, you have that better understanding of both. So, the next step would be to make sure you have a game plan for when you feel old wounds/ beliefs creeping back up.
Here is a personal example:
I’ve mentioned this before but one of my bigger wounds was with friends. I believed that in order to maintain friendships, I had to be who they needed me to be at all times. And even then, life would happen and we would grow a part. And when this would happen I would feel myself go into an insecure, depressed state. I believed I was the problem and that I was annoying. I believed that I wasn’t good enough and would then allow myself to be a doormat for another relationship because it felt like the only way to not stay in that insecure, depressed place. I believed I couldn’t vent to friends or ever let someone know when I needed someone. I then healed a lot in a lot of ways and was able to see that it wasn’t me. It was just life with wounded people. And honestly, I was more annoying when I was trying to not be annoying! Lol But still, I will have moments where I feel distance from someone and those old thoughts and beliefs will creep up and I have to make it a point to tell them to go away. I have even started reaching out to those people when it happens and immediately letting them know what is happening so I can hear the truth and send the devil packing.
The most recent situation of this happening was when I started going to the gym. I had started going with a friend and found myself asking often which classes she was going to so I could join. Then I started hearing thoughts like “you are annoying her. Just go to the gym by yourself”. So I called that lie out and went to her and said “this feels vulnerable but I feel like satan is trying to poke at old wounds for me so I was just wondering if it was ok that I keep asking to join you in classes!” Doing this not only sends the devil packing, but it also allows you to walk into healing. The only way we can reverse our limbic system is by experiences. So, by asking her this and seeing her reply with “of course, I prefer working out with others anyway” was a great experience for my limbic system!
When it comes to your own coping mechanisms, I recommend identifying your fears. But not just naming them, actually go deep with them. Instead of saying “I am afraid of rejection”, what is it about rejection that hurts you? How does it make you feel about yourself? Name that wound or false belief. THAT is the fear! And then once you have recognized the deep rooted fears, you need to recognize the yellow flags! If you have been here since day 1 then you may remember my message, red flags in your feelings! But now I am referring to the yellow flags in your wounds! They are those things that we start thinking or doing as we start to spiral backwards. The red flags in your feelings are there to help you recognize when you are currently in an unhealthy mindset, and could still very much be a part of the yellow flags in your wounds, but these yellow flags are more of your indication that you are ON YOUR WAY TO the unhealthy mindset or reaction. These help you identify when something has triggered your limbic system and if not corrected, could lead to a relapse!
Now, if you heard the word relapse and were like “what the heck are you talking about”, Hear me out! I am not necessarily only talking about a relapse in substance abuse. I am referring to when you get to that place where you are exhausted and just want to give up. To that place of depression or isolation. The place that causes you to lash out in rage or do something you know you shouldn’t be doing. It could also be that place of hopelessness and complete avoidance of dealing with your problems. A lot of the red flags in your feelings were indications that you are on your way to that relapse OR in that relapse, but I want to talk about the yellow flags that may come before that happens! The ones that start in your mind!
Once you are able to recognize these yellow flags, have awareness of your coping behaviors, AND have a system in place to stop yourself from spiraling, you then will then have the ability to fully walk into healing! However, I feel like this is probably also a good place to remind you that you will never fully be healed until Jesus comes back, meaning that this process is something you will always be working on and keeping yourself in check. But you CAN walk in peace until that day comes! You CAN find joy in hard times. Walking in healing may sound exhausting, and at times it is, but it is SOOO rewarding!
“Ok Jerrica, this all sounds great but how in the world do I know what my yellow flags are?”
That’s a great question! And we are going to discuss that next episode!
Reminder: These messages are happening every other week if you are actively following along each week! And don’t forget to jump on the monday night safe space zooms if you need some extra love, accountability, or just someone to be there for you! You can get that link by reaching out via my instagram or Facebook! @the.reflections.collection on ig or Jerrica snyder on Facebook!
I hope you have the most amazing week! Remember you are so loved, don’t give up!